“Mama, mama, mama,” she rarely says it once, only in threes.

I scoop her up, for the 100th time today, and plant a kiss on her forehead, while I bend over to clean up her latest mess. Baby girl often follows me around on mornings like these, especially when her big brother is engrossed in playing with markers and crafts, something she is a bit too young for. 

“Mommy, watch! Watch!” I try not to sigh. I’ve only watched this new trick 15 times this morning. I watch and applaud his newfound skill, and begin making a list in my head.

I need to figure out what I’m bringing to the church Christmas caroling, meal plan so I can order groceries, and finish designing that ad I promised my brother I’d have finished by today. Oh, I need to sign another set of documents and send them back to our realtor, reply to that message asking if I could teach Sunday school class on Sunday, the baby’s diaper needs changed, and I haven’t thawed the chicken for tonight’s taco dinner. The dishwasher needs to be loaded, the laundry needs to be switched, and the floor hasn’t been mopped in too long. To be honest, the whole house is a mess. And my husband has an appointment in the morning that I need to be at with him.

So many things to juggle, I think, for a person with minimal juggling skills. 

To top it off, I’m just so tired.

I pick up my phone and, out of habit, I’m afraid, open Instagram. I see my friend has been posting today–a to-do list she is knocking off much faster than I’ve been able to in a long time. I feel a tinge of jealousy. After all, if my life was more like hers, I could do that too, right? I sigh, out loud this time, close Instagram, and send my husband a message asking what time he will be home. Then I bundle my little ones up for school pickup and grab the chicken out of the freezer before I leave. I feel like my head is about to explode.

I think we’ve all been there. Young moms face a barrage of things we could and should do with our time. Obviously, we all know that our husbands and children should come first, but doing that practically is sometimes quite difficult. Add to that the societal pressure of keeping a perfect house, being a self-sacrificing friend, and being self-sufficient while doing it all. Being a born people pleaser can exacerbate the problem. Many times, our own health as a mother suffers. Sometimes physically, sometimes mentally. It’s so important that we keep our own health at the top of our list of priorities, not in the world’s sort of way by treating yourself daily and putting your own wants first, but in a godly way, realizing that we are made for a purpose and that to fill our God-given role, it is essential that we care for our bodies and our mental health so that we are able to glorify Him through our service to our families and those around us. 

But HOW?

We aren’t all like each other. We face different problems; have different children of different ages, with different sleeping habits, and different needs; husbands with different schedules, different jobs, and different values. We have different financial situations and different energy levels. We can’t just copy each other. What works for my friend does not work for me and what works for me doesn’t work for my sister.

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is drop everything and focus on one thing. Perhaps our health, perhaps a loved one has died, or we’ve had a new baby. But most times, there are a million things and figuring out what should be prioritized and when can be a real struggle.

Clarity is something that is needed at all times, not just at the beginning of the year when everyone is busy making resolutions that they are unlikely to keep. I find it is most needed during high intensity times and seasons of change, like the one my family is going through right now. Recent health issues my husband has been facing have brought up some old anxiety I’d thought was mostly “over” while moving states and all the time that takes has been hard for my impatient spirit. Most of those things are largely out of my control, so being intentional about the things I can control is important to help me stay focused. Busyness is unavoidable as a young mom, but we’ve all been given the same amount of time and we get to decide how we use it.

So, what should come first? What do we say no to and what do we say yes to, despite it being difficult sometimes? Which balls do we allow to drop, when we simply cannot juggle them all? 

Unfortunately, clarity is not something that will simply come to you without a little bit of work. Here is a method I have used to determine what I should be focusing on in my life as a young mom. 

1. Identify your top 3-5 values.

For one person, maybe peace, integrity, and thankfulness are values they would like to focus on. For another person, worship may be something they feel is lacking in their life, or community. Perhaps courage in the face of adversity is something you would like to build, or self-discipline. Another person may see that health needs to be a priority for a time. I like to think about the fruits of the spirit when identifying my values, as well as physical plans that are in place. My family plans to move this year, so for me one of my top values currently is stability. Making sure we have familiar routines in place in potentially more than one different house in the coming year may make things easier on my little ones and foster a sense of togetherness and team spirit while we move away from family whom they dearly love.

2. Make some goals.

Next, think of specific things you can do to foster those values and make several goals for each. Is one of the values you listed peace? What are some things you can implement in your home to foster that? Maybe it’s a goal of getting up before your children to read your Bible. Maybe it’s going on a walk after daddy gets home every day. Maybe you’d like to implement more order within your home, like creating chore charts for the children or doing a 15-minute pickup before bedtime every evening. Or perhaps one of your top values is personal growth. Make a goal to read a certain number of books, or to learn a new skill you have always wanted to learn.

3. Create action steps. 

Goals are no good without action. Making at least two specific action steps for each goal was a game changer for me, a notorious procrastinator. An example for the goal of getting up early to read my Bible would be: 1. I will set my phone on the dresser so I must get out of bed in order to turn the alarm off instead of simply reaching over to hit snooze. And 2. I will not scroll on my phone after the children are in bed, robbing me of precious sleep.

4. Review. 

Decide right away exactly when you will do so and make a reminder on your phone if needed. Monthly reviews work well for me. If something is not working, those review times are great times to think about how you can change things to make it work, or if it’s simply not the right time in your life for you to be focusing on that. Reading over them weekly has also sometimes been helpful for me.

In conclusion: My baby is going to follow me around tomorrow morning again, just like she does every morning. My 4-year-old is going to need attention, my house need cleaning and my laundry need done. My friend is going to need someone to talk to and my church will ask me to teach Sunday school or make a meal for someone. We won’t magically be moved overnight. My husband’s health issues likely won’t suddenly disappear. I will have as many things on my to-do list as I ever did. The amount of things I need to do won’t change, but perhaps my mental capacity to manage them can stretch and I can receive the clarity I need to prioritize and delegate wisely. My time is not mine, but the Lord’s. He has given it to me to steward for His glory. May I do so faithfully.

“See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”

Ephesians 5:15-16