The sister who shared this topic requested that I don’t share her name. I am honoring that request, and I am grateful that she was willing to write from her experience. Whoever we are, let’s read it with open hearts and let it make us more kind and sensitive to those walking different paths than we are. ~Alison

Infertility

Infertility! No one wants to be handed that card. With it comes a lot of questions, one being, “Why me?” Does God see me as unfit to be a mother? How does God want me to glorify Him with this calling?

You may be thinking, “God calls people to this?” I believe so. He calls women to be teachers, to embrace singlehood, to be mothers, and yes, even to experience barrenness. 

This is a very broad subject, and each of us walking this path handles it differently. One vital thing we need to realize is that we cannot let it make us bitter. I’ve seen it become an all-consuming problem for some, and I personally have to keep myself in check to avoid falling into that trap. Too often, the cross we are given to bear is one we don’t allow God to use for His glory. He has given it to us for a reason, and on this side of eternity, we may never know why. Don’t let that overwhelm you; realize it is a gift. 

When you haven’t faced infertility, it can be hard to relate to those who have. We can innocently say things that are hurtful. So, I want to share some advice: 

• If you have not struggled with infertility, please don’t say, “I understand what you are going through.” You really don’t.

• Sharing stories of people who struggled with infertility and were able to have a child does not necessarily give us hope. That doesn’t mean our story will be the same. 

• Giving advice on ways to seek medical help or sharing what you think may be causing infertility for us is often unhelpful. If we want advice, we will ask. 

• Asking, “Don’t you want children?” can be painful and intrusive. 

• Allow us to hold your baby and cry. We are genuinely happy for you, truly. But it also hurts. 

• Pray for us and let us know you are praying.

• Please don’t judge. 

• Lastly, listen when we need to talk. 

To those walking this journey: we have the opportunity to give time that many mothers don’t have to give to others. For example: 

• If a friend or lady from church has a baby, offer to bring a meal. 

• Volunteer to babysit so a mom can enjoy some solo shopping. 

• Babysit so parents can have a date night. 

• Host Bible Studies for youth girls. 

• Reach out to your youth group. 

• Volunteer at a ladies’ shelter or pregnancy center. 

The list could go on, but those are just a few ideas. 

Don’t let this gift go to waste. Some days will be harder than others, but remember, God has you here for a reason. If you can’t see why, ask God to show you. 

Be a vessel in His Kingdom.